Self-Realization and Other Awakenings

At the monastery, while doing zazen for 4 hours a
day, I find remaining in that alert space happens
naturally and often, but in a certain emotional way I
feel dead.
In society I do not generally have motivation for
zazen, and being in that alert space is sporadic, but in
a certain emotional way I again feel alive.
I guess if my goal is to be (no) self-conscious 100%
of the time while also becoming a human being within
society, does it work better to:
A.Separate from society and pursue the ultimate
unceasingly until it is fully established, and then re-
enter society or,
B.Live within society and make much slower
progress towards the ultimate, but perhaps get a head
start on the process of becoming more human?
In addition, my current situation as a human is of
being in college, studying science, dance, outdoor
recreation, psychology, and having a lot of fun with
club sports and interacting with people my age for a
change. It seems impossible both to remain watching
from emptiness and involve myself fully in
conversations and activities. The attention towards
humanness and absoluteness seem to pendulum back
and forth. I just do not see how I could swing all the