Self-Realization and Other Awakenings

her. I too had totally surrendered to her, my life, my
soul.
Unlike René, I did not identify with love itself, but
identified with me, Ed, as her lover. My love for her
was always personal, and sometimes erotic, but was
always felt as a river of love running through me,
filling me, making me blissfully happy, until I felt
strong yearning and longing for her, which took away
my happiness, and I felt like a crying little child
wanting her love. That yearning and longing, was
preparatory opening to ever deepening levels of love.
Love of a depth and quality that I never knew was
possible, that I never felt before. My love for René was
entirely not like anything I had ever experienced
before.
With our love we both began to experience
energies running through our bodies, all different sorts
of energies running in so many ways: Healing energies
that later softened the pain of my arthritis, an
experience of energy “fingers” that reached out from
my heart and explored the world in an “astral”
kinesthetic way, chaotic energies of bliss, sometimes
of heat, with a burning of my skin and muscles. My
body became more alive than ever before with
sensitivity, as did hers.
Sometimes our emotional embrace seemed almost
psychotically deep, as deep childish fears and fantasies