Self-Realization and Other Awakenings

into multiple orgasms which gradually transmuted into
ecstasy. I did not feel the orgasms as did she, but I did
feel the ecstasy, and a deep desire to be with her
every moment of the day and night.
Unfortunately, or fortunately, René is married, and
we never met again. We never touched each other
again as we wanted to, and perhaps we were afraid
that if we were to meet everything would dissolve. So
our love became transmuted into God's love. That is
the only way to explain it. The whole thing about how
it started, how we never met again, and yet the love
grows, and how the love permeates both of our
beingness to the extent we both feel as one, is just so
beyond explanation or beyond anything we ever felt
before. Only attaching the word “God” to our
experience makes any sense. Even this day I still feel
her presence in me all the time, and she feels me.
Muktananda wrote a book called, "I Have Come
Alive." This is how I felt. Because of her love, I became
alive.
To this day my own beingness is constantly suffused
with this love that I first felt for her, and the same is
true for her. Our sense of presence interpenetrates
and is mingled. Sometimes I feel my own love for her,
and sometimes I feel her love for me. They are the
same. In a sense there is no need to meet, even
though I deeply desire it, but I recognize that the