he experienced God amid these battles. His primary conflict appears to have been his
desire to create a better public image than was justified. On May 15, 1646, “[t]his
day a poor soul upon strict examination of his heart, found that formerly he had
judged many sinful actions lawful and good, and had excused many actions though in
themselves sinful: he felt not such a powerful operation of his corruptions before, and
so through Pride and Ignorance thought better of himself than he had cause.”^100
Further, on May 13, 1646, “[o]ne performed indeed a good action, but he exceedingly
overprized it; which he found afterwards.”^101 It is not surprising considering the great
importance spiritual duties occupied in Ambrose’s life that his greatest strength could
potentially also become his greatest weakness.^102 In the 1652 edition of Media
Ambrose added a new section entitled “Self-denial” that specifically addressed his
struggle, “[t]here is nothing that a Christian is more apt to be proud of then spirituall
things.”^103 This addition of the self-denial section reveals a significant place of
transformation in Ambrose’s personal battle with pride.
Anger was another struggle that Ambrose mentions and on January 23, 1647
he records “[t]his evening one fell into exorbitancy of passion; it was so strong in
him, that it cast him into Palpitation of heart.”^104 There is no indication of the reason
for his strong response. However, he supplies some marginal references that convey
the desired disposition from this event (Ps 37:8; Eph 4:31; Col 3:12, 13). Fortunately
the very next day he was able to report, “[o]ne troubled in conscience for his rash
(^100) Ambrose, Media (^) (1650), 115, cf. 114. (^)
(^101) Ambrose, Media (1650), 114.
(^102) Owen Watkins links the potential for pride with diary keeping and asserts “[t]he
early nineteenth-century editor of Ebenezer Erskine’s diary thought the practice could
be dangerous because it might supply fuel for spiritual pride.” Puritan Experience,
- 103
104 Ambrose, Ambrose, MediaMedia (1657), 157. (1650), 106.^