158 the rice diet renewal
or Her power. I had acted as if I would be healed — despite the fact
that there were no physical signs of this in sight. I sought out and
benefi ted from many positive and empowering sources, from mind,
body, and spirit healing books to prayer partners and confessors, to
healing conferences. And I exercised what I learned; I resumed an
inner healing practice of meditation, yoga, and journalizing.
As you may remember from chapter 3 , where I summarized
how Dr. Wally Purcell led us through the emotional inventory
and exploration, this experience was a powerful way to align my
thoughts, feelings, and spiritual expectancy, thus readying myself
for the healing of my resentment. (To refresh your memory, Wally
asked us to write down any emotion that we felt we were struggling
with: to write about an emotion that was not serving our higher
calling, to pinpoint when it became apparent, and to describe what
we planned to do about it.) When we completed the exercise,
Wally asked whether anyone wanted to role - play his or her emotion
with him, and he chose me as the most enthusiastic, or possibly
desperate, participant. Although I had never participated in a role -
playing session before, Wally quickly threw a few fast hardballs my
way, and I realized that this process was not necessarily going to
be fun. Wally, role - playing my resentment, quickly and coldly said,
“ I ’ ve been around since you were eight years old, and if you didn ’ t
want me around, I wouldn ’ t still be here. ” I immediately realized
I was in for a tough game. Approximately forty - fi ve minutes later,
in front of about forty people, we ended with him asking, “ What do
you want from me? ” And I whimpered, “ Peace. ”
After a closing prayer, I drove home. Although I was emotionally
exhausted and still in physical pain, I defi nitely felt that something
deep inside of me had shifted. It was not until the next morn-
ing when I was driving back to the retreat center, on an interstate,
that I realized just how different I felt inside. I spotted my boss ’ s
car ahead of me. She was the one person whom I had habitually
resented the most during the previous decade. Of course, I had
some justifi able reasons, right? Although she had done numerous,
totally unacceptable acts, such as moving my offi ce while I was on
vacation, it was certainly not healing my joints to continue to dwell