connecting with your spirit 159
on my litany of her personal shortcomings. But what was so amaz-
ing was the intensity of the contraction I felt around my heart area
when I fi rst saw her car. I felt the walls leap up around my heart as
I began to emotionally defend myself from her.
I remember thinking, I can pretend that I didn ’ t see her car,
and I ’ ll just drive by her, and she ’ ll never know that I saw her. The
armorlike pressure around my heart was intense and startling, simi-
lar to what I imagine a heart attack would feel like. As soon as my
car caught up with hers, the armor around my heart miraculously
melted. I was instantly overwhelmed by the unconditional love of
God for her, for me, for all of the people in the world who allow
their mental and emotional baggage to separate them from the love
and unity that are available to us all. It was physically the most pro-
found miracle of my life! As I readied myself to beep the horn and
started to wave excitedly, I realized that it was not even her!
To have my heart blasted open at eight in the morning, sim-
ply by driving up alongside a car that I mistakenly thought was
being driven by someone I had resented was really mind - bending!
Mixed with my spiritual elation was the sobering realization that if
I had put my body through that much stress over a car that merely
looked like my boss ’ s car, how much unnecessary damage, pain, and
suffering must I be creating on a regular basis due to my igno-
rant and ego - driven state? When I really became aware of the self -
infl icted pain that I created with my unconscious and erroneous
thoughts, and then I connected with all of the other people in the
world who are unconsciously creating what they do not really want
with their mistaken thoughts and unhealthy emotional responses —
it felt like Yom Kippur combined with Easter! It was a profound
moment. This much clarity and awareness of human suffering and
the power within us to resurrect it were worth my nine months of
crippling pain.
When I drove up to the retreat center ’ s entrance, planning to run
to tell Wally what had happened, he was waiting on the front porch.
He fi rst asked how I was feeling and explained that I would at some
point experience resentment again, but I would notice that the
intent of it had changed. I laughed out loud and told him that