2 : My Relationship with Reich 33
his. The manuscript consisted of material that was later published as a series entitled
“Orgonomic Functionalism” in a quarterly Reich began bringing out in 1949.*
I was very excited by the material and worked hard on the translation, but my rela-
tionship with Reich had shifted now. Earlier, I never thought of getting anything directly
from him, except his approval. I really wanted to help the work, to be part of it. Yet now
here I was, in one of Reich’s favorite phrases, “giving in order to get,” which was not in his
eyes or mine a very satisfactory way of giving. I wanted to “get” orgastic potency from him,
or what he described as complete surrender in the sexual act. I did not know then that—
again using his concepts—one does not “get” a full surrender, one gives it.
In the summer of 1948, I arranged with Reich to work at Orgonon, his research
center. Now there was ample opportunity for regular meetings about problems of transla-
tion. It was a pleasure to work with him. He was appreciative, generally willing to yield to a
better word or phrase when I suggested it, though he could be very adamant at times when
he definitely preferred another choice. Always he emphasized sharpness and simplicity of
expression; he wanted to “clean” (his word) his writing of all German academic phrases.
I had another motive in translating for him—one that inspired me to work but also
to rush the work. I wanted to impress him so that he would take me into therapy. On this
issue,he kept me at some distance. He warned that it was not a good idea for me to be in
therapy with him at the same time that I was working for him. He suggested that I see anoth-
er orgone therapist, but I strongly rejected the idea: I wanted therapy from him.
About a month after I began working at Orgonon and after repeated requests,
Reich agreed to see me in therapy. I was extremely pleased but also apprehensive. I no longer
recall the exact procedure around this therapy, although one certainly existed. I would
undress completely and lie down on the couch, then Reich would come in from an adjoin-
ing room. There was something very definite, marked off, about his entrances and exists.
In the beginning the therapy went quite well. I was extremely impressed by the way
Reich worked with my body. He would have me breathe and then keep pointing out the way
I avoided letting the breath expire naturally. Sometimes, he would press certain parts of my
body,particularly my chest. A few times this was followed by very deep sobbing, crying in a
way I could not remember ever having cried before. He would encourage me in an empath-
ic way:“Don’t be ashamed ofit. I have heard it by the millions. That sorrow is the best thing
in you.”
He also kept calling attention to my “urgency,” my straining after things. He men-
tioned that it came up in the laboratory often. It wasn’t “obnoxious,” he said, but it was in
the way. He advised me not to have so many “ideals” that I struggled after, but to “let ‘if do
it”—by “it”meaning the energy within my body.
The comments on my urgency were linked with the bodily work: “Let your air out...
. Open your throat.... Don’t try to ‘get’ anything or have anything. That is the worst thing
in you—your urgency, your wanting.”
- All of these publications were subsequently burned by the FDA and to this date have not been reissued