34 Myron SharafFury On Earth
I found it hard to understand intellectually what he meant by “letting ‘if do itself,”
but on another level, I knew what he meant. I would shiver to recall how in my lonely Army
days and first year at Harvard I could get into the swing of my work if I stayed with it long
enough so that it was flowing and coming “by itself.” Now I was away from this mood, and
desperately eager to solve my sexual problems.
I didn’t really tell Reich just how unhappy my marriage was, nor did he explore my
growing negative feelings. When I complained that marriage and work didn’t go together, he
would answer that one didn’t have to be ascetic. And when I nostalgically told him how I
used to imagine him watching me as I studied intently in my room, he replied in a kindly
way: “You were in love with me. Give your genitality to your wife and your work to the
Orgone Institute.” Once again, I felt the “mandate” to solve my difficult problem, that it
was my fault. And, indeed, I would put it that way to Reich. I rarely complained about my
wife: making her sound quite attractive, I said I only wanted to be healthier with her.
What really staggered me in therapy was experiencing what Reich called at various
times the “vegetative currents,” “bio-electric current,” and—by1949—“orgonotic stream-
ings.” These currents were often particularly strong after intense sobbing. I would lie there,
breathing more easily, and would feel this beautiful sweet, warm sensation of pleasure in my
genitals and legs.It was glorious, I had never felt anything like it. I had never read anything
about it; with the exception of Grethe and a few other people, I had never heard anyone
describe it. I knew there was much about Reich’s work that I didn’t understand. There was
a lot about the man that puzzled and disturbed me, but one thing I was never to doubt again:
the sensation of those “currents.” If the scientific world had paid so little attention to this
phenomenon, perhaps the same held true for yet another. The same energy functioned in
the atmosphere, according to Reich, registering on his laboratory instruments, which I had
observed but knew virtually nothing about.
One of the problems was that the sensation of vegetative currents did not last long.
From today’s perspective, I understand more fully what prevents their permanence. I can
understand why Reich grew impatient with therapy —it was so difficult, people led such
complicated lives.Indeed,during one of my first meetings with him, he had advised me not
to become a therapist: “You get caught up with people, you get involved in their lives. When
a tree has grown crooked, it will never be straight again. Prevention is what counts.”
Reich himself was much less helpful in working with my psychological problems
than with my bodily armor. He seemed not to be especially interested in examining my rela-
tions with people (Grethe HofF,or my parents) in great detail except where these linked up
with a specific bodily issue, some way I had of blocking the sensations. If things weren’t too
bad,he was often content to leave them alone,seeming to prefer that life and therapy not
be more complicated than necessary. For example, I told him in those early sessions about
my mother’s affair with Jack. He smiled in an almost embarrassed way, saying: “She should-
n’t have done that.” But there was something in his manner that did not encourage my con-
tinuing.Only much later did I recognize his reluctance to deal with this subject.
Other conversations were bothering me. His explanation of the Sam incident was