2 : My Relationship with Reich 39
In 1953, my wife and I had a son, Peter. In the summer of 1954, we attended a con-
ference at Orgonon. At this time, unbeknown to me, Hoff and Reich expressed what I had
long fantasized: a romantic interest in each other. That fall Grethe visited Rangeley, ostensi-
bly to consult Reich about a medical problem, actually to begin a relationship with him. It
was not long before she told me about it. Reich also phoned me. He emphasized the inde-
pendence of my marriage and his relationship with Grethe. The marriage was not good and
should end, regardless of what happened between the two of them. Still, our marriage
would not have ended at this point had it not been for Reich’s reckless action. Our son had
become an important bond between us. Whatever the problems, we had consoled ourselves
that our marriage was better than many; above all, I did not want to lose our infant son.
At the same time, long dissatisfied with my marriage, I saw in the new development
an opportunity to begin my personal life anew. This prospect did not mitigate my sense of
hurt and betrayal at the hands of Grethe and, especially, of Reich.
Grethe, too, was experiencing conflict about actually ending the marriage and join-
ing Reich, a step he urged with his usual importunity. Finally, in December, she joined him,
taking Peter with her. The subsequent evolution of the relationship between Reich and Hoff
is described in a later context. Here, to complete my personal involvement in the long-stand-
ing triangle,two further incidents are significant.
In June 1955, Grethe wanted to resume our marriage but I did not. By this time I
had entered a new, more satisfying relationship. Still, I felt flattered and somehow “victori-
ous” over Reich that she wanted to return.
At a conscious level at least, Reich and HofPs relationship had in no way lessened
my motivation to be an orgonomic historian. Indeed, in the late spring of that year I had
begun working for Reich once more, now on a part-time basis from Boston with occasion-
al visits to Rangeley. Yet the personal events had their impact on the relationship. In August,
during a work discussion, Reich brought up his concern that Hoff was “running” from him.
(“Running”was one of Reich’s favorite words—one “ran” from the depths, from strong
feeling, from truth.) He asked me in a quite open, human way whether she also “ran” when
she was with me.I replied:“No, she had what she wanted.” Consciously, I meant that she
had a lifestyle with me she had liked, that she feared the challenge Reich represented.
However,there was also undoubtedly an element of superiority to Reich in the remark: she
preferred me.
In any case, Reich took it that way. I recall his looking very hurt and angry. For a
period ofa month or so,he attacked me as he never had before —bitterly, relentlessly, often
unfairly. Under this barrage I resigned my position. But it did not take long for our relation-
ship to be sufficiently cordial that I once again began attending various meetings, now cen-
tered on his legal battles with the Food and Drug Administration.
I was still plagued by an intense sense of disparity between my commitment to
orgonomy and my desire to pursue academic training. There was difficulty in completing my
Ph.D.dissertation,so in 1956 I went into psychoanalysis. I learned a great deal from analy-
sis about my neurotic bondage to Reich. I learned far more than Reich had ever taught me