Power Up Your Mind: Learn faster, work smarter

stating what it felt like to you. Sometimes it may hurt when you

hear what your partner says to you, because you will know you were

partly to blame for what happened. In that case, try this response:

“Thanks for telling me that. I did not realize you felt so strongly.

What could I have done that would have helped you to...?”

Out of your highs and lows you need to produce a shared list,

or two lists if you cannot agree. Now, stand back and look at what

you have enjoyed most. What were the common factors? Do the

same for the negative things. We find that regrouping our joint list

into:

Things we would like to do more of Things we would like to do less of

at this stage sets us up well for the next stage. Give yourself a

break! You might like to classify the activities you have been talk-

ing about, using descriptive language that helps you better articu-

late your feelings.

When you are rested, you may like to take stock of two kinds

of accounts, your Family Balance Sheet and your Emotional Bank

Account.

The Family Balance Sheet is the easier of the two to work

out. If you can persuade yourself to take time to grapple with this

issue, you will have a firm financial base from which you can view

your situation.

Most couples have a clear sense of what comes into their bank

every month or year and what goes out. Often, it is a struggle to rec-

oncile the two figures! But, what about the underlying picture? It is

helpful to try to work this out. When you have done it once it will

be much easier to have a realistic sense of how much you are worth.

Do you own part or all of your house? If so, how much equity

do you hold? Do you own shares? If so, how much are they worth?

Do you have investments, for example, endowment policies and

other financial products that will yield you an income in the future?

Do you own any other large items, like cars, caravans, pictures, or

antiques? Do you have a pension? When will it be available to you?

How much will it be worth? It is worth valuing these and then

adjusting their value in subsequent years.

236 Power Up Your Mind