What Every BODY Is Saying : An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed Reading People

(Brent) #1
KNOWLEDGE WITHIN REACH 119

This arm-distancing phenomenon occurs not only when we encounter
objects we don’t like, but also when we are around people we don’t enjoy.
Our arms will act as either barriers or blocking mechanisms (like a run-
ning back stiff-arming a would-be tackler) to protect and/or distance us
from threats or anything we deem negative in our environment. You can
learn a lot about how a person feels about someone or something by not-
ing whether the arm either engages or distances from the individual or
object in question. Watch people at the airport or on a packed sidewalk
and notice how they use their arms to protect themselves or to block oth-
ers from getting too close as they make their way through the crowd.
Then note how people with whom you interact greet you in social or
business situations. I think you’ll start to see that the saying “keeping
someone at arm’s length” has real meaning and practical consequences.


TERRITORIAL DISPLAYS OF THE ARMS

In addition to using our arms to protect us or keep people away, they can
also be used to mark territory. In fact, as I am writing this paragraph, I am
on an Air Canada f light to Calgary, and my very large seat neighbor and
I have been jockeying for armrest territory nearly the entire flight. At the
moment, I seem to be losing; I have a small corner of the armrest, but he
dominates the rest and therefore my whole left side. All I can do is lean
toward the window. Eventually, I decided to give up trying to carve out
any additional territory, so he won and I lost. But at least I salvaged an
example for this book from his territorial display. Incidents like this hap-
pen to all of us every day in elevators, doorways, or classrooms. In the
end, if there is no accommodation or compromise, someone ends up be-
ing the “loser” and no one likes to feel that way.
You also see territorial displays in boardrooms or meeting rooms where
one person will spread his material about and use his elbows to dominate
a considerable piece of the conference table at the expense of others. Ac-
cording to Edward Hall, territory, in essence, is power (Hall, 1969; Knapp
& Hall, 2002, 158–164). Claiming territory can have very powerful and

Free download pdf