What Every BODY Is Saying : An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed Reading People

DETECTING DECEPTION 211

regarding finances or potential infidelity with your spouse, keeping your
cool is essential. Try to remain calm as you ask questions, don’t act suspi-
cious, and appear comfortable and nonjudgmental. That way the person
you are speaking with will be less likely to be defensive and/or unwilling
to divulge information.

Defining Signs of Comfort

Comfort is readily apparent in conversations with family and friends. We
sense when people are having a good time and are comfortable in our
presence. While seated at a table, people who are comfortable with each
other will move objects aside so that nothing blocks their view. Over
time, they may draw closer so they do not have to talk as loudly. Indi-
viduals who are comfortable display their bodies more openly, showing
more of their torsos and the insides of their arms and legs (they allow
ventral access or fronting). In the presence of strangers, comfort is more
difficult to achieve, especially in stressful situations such as a formal in-
terview or a deposition. That is why it’s so important that you do your
best to create a comfort zone from the very outset of your interaction
with another individual.
When we are comfortable, there should be synchrony in our nonver-
bal behavior. The breathing rhythm of two comfortable people will be
similar, as will the tone and pitch of their speech and their general de-
meanor. Just think of a couple leaning toward each other at a café as they
sit in full comfort. If one leans forward, the other follows, the phenome-
non known as isopraxism. If a person is standing while talking to us,
leaning to the side with hands in the pockets and feet crossed, most likely
we will do the same (see figure 87). By mirroring another person’s behav-
ior, we are subconsciously saying, “I am comfortable with you.”
In an interview setting or any situation where a difficult topic is being
discussed, the tone of each party should mirror the other over time if
there is synchrony (Cialdini, 1993, 167–207). If harmony does not exist
between the people involved, this synchrony will be missing and discern-
ible. They may sit differently, talk in a manner or tone different from