What Every BODY Is Saying : An Ex-FBI Agent's Guide to Speed Reading People

LIVING OUR LIMBIC LEGACY 43

Over the decades that I have studied nonverbal behaviors, I have ob-
served that there are gender differences in the way men and women use
the neck to pacify themselves. Typically, men are more robust in their
pacifying behaviors, grasping or cupping their necks just beneath the
chin with their hands, thereby stimulating the nerves (specifically, the
vagus nerves or the carotid sinus) of the neck, which in turn slow the heart
rate down and have a calming effect. Sometimes men will stroke the
sides or the back of the neck with their fingers, or adjust their tie knot or
shirt collar (see figure 15).
Women pacify differently. For example, when women pacify using
the neck, they will sometimes touch, twist, or otherwise manipulate a
necklace, if they are wearing one (see box 11). As mentioned, the other
major way women neck pacify is by covering their suprasternal notch
with their hand. Women touch their hands to this part of their neck and/
or cover it when they feel stressed, insecure, threatened, fearful, uncom-
fortable, or anxious. Interestingly, when a woman is pregnant, I have
observed that her hand will initially move toward her neck but at the last
moment will divert to her belly, as if to cover the fetus.

Men tend to massage or stroke their

necks to pacify distress. This area is rich

with nerves, including the vagus nerve,

which when massaged will slow down

the heart rate.

Men typically cover their necks more

robustly than women as a way to deal

with discomfort or insecurity.

Fig. 13 Fig. 14