160 Who Do You Think You Are?
set the world free. I have a particular view of fear that no one else has. I
see the world through the eyes of fear of freedom. I see fear as the number
one reason the world exists the way it does, in our frustrations and
unhappiness. It’s the reason that we don’t have access to our passions,
and the reason we don’t have access to our purpose, because we are
afraid to see it. When somebody understands how fear operates, they
can then begin a relationship with fear that no longer stops them but
actually propels them. It’s really about creating a relationship with fear
that moves somebody to the next place.
What events or series of events led to your discovery?
When I was fourteen years old, my father murdered my mother and
committed suicide in front of me, and it took me twenty years to recover
from that day and what had preceded it. I started going to therapy, doing
workshops, reading books, and nothing really helped me get past the
barriers that I perceived in front of me. So I started creating my own
exercises, basically to save my own life. That is the premise of Fearless
Living and the premise of what I teach. Once I understood that I didn’t
have a list problems, I really only had one challenge and one opportunity
(which was to understand and master fear), then my life took off and
blossomed. My whole world really began to make sense.
Most people think they have lots of problems and they think
they’re not good enough. I’m here to support people in embracing their
humanity, because fear has stopped us from doing that. I had to learn
how to embrace my own humanity to save my own life.
After my third suicide attempt, I was leaving the hospital and I
realized that I’m not very good at killing myself. I thought to myself, “If
I’m going to stay on this earth, which I wasn’t really thrilled about, I had
better figure out a better way to do it.” I realized that fundamentally I
didn’t think I was good enough. I think this is the message that most of
us receive at some point and buy into, and therefore don’t follow our
purpose and passion.
The very first exercise I did was to get a calendar and some stars.
Do you remember back in kindergarten when you did something right
they would give you a star? I decided that every time I did something
kind, loving, good, or something that hard for me, I would put a star on
the calendar. I wanted to see if there was still something good in me
because I had been telling myself that I wasn’t good enough for so long.
After a month, I had a calendar filled with stars. And that was my turning