Reader's Digest - USA (2019-08)

tallerthanme, whichmadethe

wholeexperiencesointimidating.I

feltashamedandbecameincreasing-

lywithdrawn.WhenI triedtostick

upformyself,everypartofmybody

wouldtingleandmymouthwouldgo

dry.“Sssstopit!Llleavemealone,”I’d

stammer.

Well,oneoftwothingscanhap-

penwhenyoustandupforyourself:

eitherthebulliesgetthemessageand

leaveyoualone– orthebullyinggets

worse.Inmycase,it gotworse.

At9amthenextday,assoonasI

walkedthroughtheschool gates, it

started.

“Hey,PumpkinHead!”

The namePumpkin Headwas

gainingmoreandmoretraction.

EventhoughI wasn’tonetostandup

formyself,myinstinctforself-preser-

vationkickedineverynowandthen

andI’dbiteback.
I don’trememberhisname,as
keepingtrackofallmytormentors
wasn’teasy,butI canpicturehim:
brightorangehair,buckteeth,and
ruddyskincoveredinfreckles.We’d
justarrivedatourwoodworkclass
andtakenourpositionsatthework-
benchesdottedaroundtheroom.
Theteacherwasyetto arrive. Quietly,

I setaboutdoingmyworkand‘f lying

undertheradar’.

Thenthiskidpipedup.“Hey,

PumpkinHead!”Thevoicecame

fromtheothersideoftheclassroom

andI recognisedit.

Withoutlookingup, I shot back,

“What,CarrotTop?”

GOODBYEPUMPKINHEAD

Resilienceisapopularwordthese

days.Throughoutmostofmyteen

years,I hadzeroresilience.MostlyI

feltworthlessandugly.Orjustnumb.

Allthosebigotednastycomments

behindmybackseemedright.I was

convincedI wasapatheticwretch

froma seriouslydysfunctionalfam-

ilyandnothingwaseverlikelyto

change.Butthen,miraculously,in

Grade10,thingsfinallydidchange.

Itwasa Saturdaymorning.Acar

andtrailerhadpulledintothedrive-

wayofoneofthef latsacrosstheroad.

Throughmyfrontwindow,I watched

asagroupofpeopleunloadedthe

contentsofatrailer.I knowhim,I

thought,spottinga boy.

Stanwasa kidinmyyearatschool

who’dnevergivenmeanygrief.Like

me,Stankepttohimself.However,

unlike me, Stan was a big, powerful,

I WANTEDTO SCREAMBUTREFUSED TO GIVE

THEBULLIESTHE SATISFACTIONOF KNOWING

HOW MUCH I WAS HURTING INSIDE

122 Augus t 2019

READER’S DIGEST