Reader's Digest - USA (2019-08)

Laughter

Hebarrelsthroughthenextred
light,andthepassengerscreams,
“Stopdoingthat!”
“I’mtellingyou,mybrotherdoes
thisallthetime.”
Theyapproachthenextlight.
Justwhenit turnsgreen,thedriver
slamsonthebrakes.Theconfused
passengerasks,“Youjustrantwored
lights;why’dyoustopata green?”
“Ihadto,”saysthedriver.
“My brothermighthavebeencoming.”
SUBMITTED BY DAVID MASELLA

RiceisNice

Tipsforbeginnercooks:
knowyourratios!

• 1/2cupuncookedrice
  = 2 cupscookedrice


• 1 cupuncookedrice
  = 5 cupscookedrice


• 2 cupsuncookedrice
  = 14cupscookedrice


• 3 cupsuncookedrice
  = 68cupscookedrice


• 4 cupsuncookedrice
  = 1036cupscookedrice. @llw902

UrbanCowboys

ME:Thistownain’tbigenough...
GUNSLINGER:Yeah,yeah,for
thetwoofus.
ME:No,I meaningeneral.
Thereisn’tenoughinfrastructure
tosupportthepopulation.
GUNSLINGER:Youknowwhat?
You’reright.
[We begin urban planning.]
@ThugRaccoons

WORKINGLIKEA DOG

Asalespersonstopsbytosee

oneofhisbusinesscustomers.

Nota soulisintheoffice

excepta beagleemptying

wastepaperbins.

“I’llbefinishedina few

minutes,”thebeaglesays.

“Incredible!”exclaimsthe

man.“Doesyourbossknow

whata prizehehasinyou?

Ananimalthatcantalk!”

Alarmed,thebeagledrops

a bin.“No,don’ttellhim!”

hepleads.“Ifhefindsout

I cantalk,he’llmakeme

answer the phones,too!”

benefitspro.com

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