The EconomistJuly 13th 2019 Leaders 172 economy has grown faster than anaemic Europe. Regulatory
fragmentation has taken a toll, too. American firms were forced
to face up to their problems quickly, in 2008, taking government
money and recognising losses under the tarpprogramme. With
no central authority willing or able to impose it, competitors
across the pond received no such tough love. Slow to react to the
crash of 2008, European policymakers have since been slow to
agree on financial fixes.
America’s trouncing of Europe in securities sales, trading and
dealmaking has a clear benefit: greater efficiency. Wall Street’s
homegrown giants are leaner, better managed and able to spend
more on technology. But a reduction in competition is to be la-
mented, especially since advisory and underwriting fees remain
fat. The most likely source of competition in the long term is Chi-
na. Its big banks have zoomed up the league tables in Asia, and
their ambitions stretch far beyond the region. Still, managing
giant egos and pay packets is not easy. This year citicSecurities,
the biggest mainland firm, has faced an exodus of top staff from
its international arm. In the meantime, the Americans can sa-
vour their defeat of the European upstarts.
Yet victory has a sting in the tail. The share prices of most of
the big American banks have lagged the stockmarket since
2008—none too impressive for masters of the universe. It is
worth remembering that, even as thousands of Deutsche bank-
ers are shown the door, the big winners of the past quarter-cen-
tury have been the industry’s employees, not its shareholders. 7M
onday:Today Theresa May came over. Said she wanted a
trade deal to cement her legacy before she quits as prime
minister in a couple of weeks. I told her Britain would need to ac-
cept our food standards, and gave her chlorinated chicken to
show her how delicious our traditional American chow is. I
think she liked it, and she has nice manners: when she clears her
throat, she lifts her napkin up to her mouth and coughs straight
into it. She seemed sad so I gave her a couple glasses of bourbon,
which may have been a mistake: she put on “I will survive” and
started dancing with one of the security guys before collapsing
into a tearful heap. Mrs Johnson put her to bed in a spare room.
Tuesday: Today Boris Johnson came over. Remember him? The
guy with weird blond hair who makes no sense...never mind.
Seems he’s taking over from Theresa. You don’t have to get elect-
ed by the people to be in charge here, just by the Conservative
Party. That’s 160,000 old right-wing men. Inter-
esting system. You might want to look into it.
I told Johnson that I was struggling to get my
head around his position on whether Britain
was going to leave the European Union with or
without a deal. He muttered something about
“having your cake and eating it”, so I ordered tea
and crumpets, as the State Department’s British
etiquette handbook recommends. He polished
them off, saying he hadn’t had a square meal in weeks, and asked
if I had a spare room. Apparently he’s had woman trouble, so I’ve
put him up for a few days. I figured you’d sympathise.
Wednesday: Today Mark Carney, the Canadian guy at the Bank of
England, came over. I didn’t follow every nuance of his analysis
of the economic consequences of a no-deal Brexit, but it in-
volved four horsemen and a substantial number of plagues. He is
a great fan of yours, sir, and said something about ensuring the
current expansion was not brought to an overhasty close by inju-
dicious monetary tightening. He also mentioned that he’s look-
ing to move to a new job in Washington and wondered if you
might be ready to put in a good word. I ordered some tea and
crumpets, but he didn’t touch them. I guess he’s too small to car-
ry any extra weight. He’s kind of hanging around looking hope-
ful, so I’ve put him in the waiting room where I keep old copies of
The Economistthat nobody has read.Thursday: Today Jeremy Corbyn came over. He’s the communist
with the beard who vacations in Venezuela. The political coun-
sellor tells me that he’s probably going to be pmsoon, after the
blond one goes down in flames. Nobody likes him, and his party
got only 14% in the recent elections, but I guess that doesn’t mat-
ter here. I ordered tea and crumpets but he said he would prefer
carrot juice.
He lectured me about Labour’s position on the terms of a trade
deal after Brexit. Sir, I know you said that health-service provi-
sion should be “on the table” in a deal, but if Corbyn’s state is any-
thing to go by, I don’t think we should touch it. In the middle of a
speech about how the workers, united, would never let America
take over their National Health Service, he suddenly collapsed on
the carpet, clutching at his heart. Turns out there were rumours
about his health, so he went and did a photo-shoot working out
in a park with Rihanna’s trainer, and it’s been a
bit much for him. I called a (private) doctor and
put him in another spare room.
Friday: Today the queen came over. I asked the
staff to bring tea and crumpets, but she gave the
crumpets to the corgis, waved away the tea and
ordered herself a supersized gin and tonic. We’ll
need to get the etiquette handbook updated. She
put her feet up on the couch and said that, be-
cause of our special relationship, she felt she could confide in
me: the country was going to the dogs, the Scots would get their
independence, Northern Ireland would end up joining the folks
in the South and even the Welsh were restless. She didn’t think
there was any point in being monarch of Britain if it wasn’t Great
any more.
She was kind of wondering whether we could put aside that
difficult episode in 1776, and thought that she might get a gig
with us. I said it could be tricky, what with her being British and
all, but she’s a very determined woman. She tried the line that
she had a half-American great-grandson, and then said she’s got
a great place in Scotland you could have. It has room for lots of
golf courses and she’d make you a Thane. Now she seems to have
dozed off. The etiquette book doesn’t say what to do with mon-
archs who are snoring on your couch. Could you ask Ivanka?
She’s good with awkward social situations. 7Woodygate
Britain’s ambassador to Washington has resigned over cables that surprised no one. We have been leaked
the dispatches to Donald Trump from Woody Johnson, America’s ambassador in LondonDiplomatic leakage