At the moment this is our position: you have an annual income
of 15,000 francs; the income from my three houses is entirely taken
up by what I owe: but it is enough to cover those debts, and my
house in the Rue d’Anjou should bring me in 6,000 francs net. So
that’s 21,000 francs clear income we have between us, assuming I
manage to let the house. I give you the whole amount on condition
that you cover all our expenses without exception. If you don’t
want the house to be let, we shall have only 15,000 francs income
but we shall at least have a roof over our heads. It’s an extra 3,000
francs, we shall have 18,000 francs including the rent. Arrange for
us to be able to live on that amount in Paris. There are many people
who live on less. I’m not very demanding. If we can’t afford to
travel by carriage, I shall go on foot. If we can’t afford wine, I shall
drink water: but at least I shall be able to repay what I owe. I shall
devote any money I make from my publications to clearing my
debts, and my mind will be at rest.
The second possibility is for each of us to live on our own
income. As I say, if I rent out my house, I shall have 6,000 francs
when I have paid my expenses, that’s more than I need. So I can
manage quite easily if we do that.
The third alternative, which I only mention in case you should
reject the other two, is for you to arrange to spend your winters
more agreeably than in Paris, and that I come to see you there every
summer. I would live in a flat in Paris costing 400 francs and I’d
save—which is always easy for a single man, and it would do me
more good than harm if, as I very much wish to do, I give up salon
life, and if I’ve not got a carriage which suggests I have wealth—
something the people I’m not repaying find inexplicable.
Think about all that and make your mind up. I love you with all
my heart and I’ve proved it to you. I’ve made sure quite
scrupulously that your money cannot be affected by my financial
embarrassment: my feelings for you demanded that I should do so,
even though the law would have allowed me to act differently. I am
at the mercy of the slightest change of expression on your face, and
when you get here you will be able to make me take back
everything I’m writing now. But once again I must say that the
effect you have on me in no way changes the facts themselves, and
if I go beyond the financial limits I’ve now reached, my creditors
will be unmoved by my excuses. So think about it and decide.
Farewell, dear Linon. I love you more than you think and
sometimes more than I think myself. If by adopting the first course
of action I’ve outlined you save me from financial difficulty, my
Benjamin constant 248