Just Because You Have, Doesn’t
Mean They Have, Too
I was at school with a guy whose family had relatively little
money when he was growing up. Actually, compared to many
people in the world, he really wasn’t that badly off. But com-
pared to most of the other kids in school, he had less. This is
partly what drove him to get a high-powered city job eventu-
ally, and he is now very comfortably off. Probably better off
than most of the people he was at school with. But boy does
he have a chip on his shoulder about money. He hugely
resents anyone having money they haven’t worked as hard for
as he has, and he makes cutting remarks to friends, such as,
“It’s nice that you can afford to go to the Bahamas for a month
on vacation. Not everyone can, you know.” That’s certainly
true, but he can.
Look, everyone has troubles to cope with, now and in the
past. You can’t give other people a hard time just because they
haven’t suffered like you have. Whether you had a rotten
childhood, are poor, have a relationship that doesn’t make you
happy, didn’t get the job you wanted, or can’t have a dog
because you’re allergic—whether your troubles are big or
small, the point is that it’s not their fault. You have no idea
what else your friends have had to contend with in their lives,
or will so in the future. They may not have it any easier than
you on balance.
If you go round trying to make your friends feel guilty about
having some things easy or good, you’ll just end up damaging
your friendships. Then are you going to go round resenting
people with more friends than you? No, I know you wouldn’t
do that—but some would. And what’s the alternative? Would
you wish a miserable childhood or poverty or a bad marriage