the times | Tuesday March 15 2022 15
News
During the week Phoebe is a tax con-
sultant, breaking up her day with smok-
ing breaks. On Sundays after church,
she likes to go birdwatching, but despite
having no opinions to speak of, still
talks too much for other twitchers.
Scientists have conducted a study in-
to the attributes of the people we per-
ceive as boring, and they have bad news
for Phoebe. Not only would people not
like to spend time with her, not only
would they make up lies to avoid meet-
ing her, but if forced to spend time with
her they would require compensation.
The research found that to socialise
with Phoebe, who was an amalgam of
many traits rightly or wrongly asso-
ciated with boringness, people would
expect to be paid a minimum of £35 a
day.
The research, published in Personali-
ty and Social Psychology Bulletin was not
an attempt to find out what actually
makes people boring. Rather, it was an
investigation into something subtly dif-
ferent: what it is we view as making
someone boring. Wijnand van Tilburg,
Meet Ms Perfectly Boring, the birdwatching accountant
Tom Whipple Science Editor from Essex University, said that bore-
dom studies were a burgeoning field.
“Despite boredom being the epitome of
something that is not interesting, there
are a lot of interesting angles to bore-
dom,” he said. One that had not been
explored, though, was the “idea of what
makes people boring”.
Over the course of five experiments,
involving more than 500 people, he and
his colleagues first established which
traits were considered most boring. The
most boring professions, they found,
were accountancy, data analysis and in-
surance. The least were acting, science,
journalism and, by logical extension,
science journalism.
People whose hobbies included
going to church, watching TV and
“animal observation” were those
judged among the most boring, even
more so than stamp collectors. If they
also lived in a medium-sized town,
smoked, talked a lot and complained,
then that compounded the tedium.
After establishing the characteristics
of boring people, the scientists then
conducted a final study to establish
how much people would want to be
compensated to offset the discomfort of
being made to socialise with them.
They found that for someone like
Phoebe — judged at the high end of
boringness — the sums requested
started high and rose exponentially.
Is any of this fair? Phoebe doesn’t ex-
ist but Simon Towers, a birdwatching
accountant from Northamptonshire,
does. And he has a different view.
“It’s a matter of perception,” he said.
“I don’t think I’m boring. And I don’t
think people who birdwatch are boring.
Of course, some accountants are bor-
ing. I can see where the stereotype
comes from, and we’re obviously a bit of
a necessary evil to some people ifthey’ve got to do a tax return. I’m per-
fectly happy with my birdwatching and
my accounting though.”
Van Tilburg said that far from tarring
such professions and people, the re-
search should be a way for us to explore
and challenge our own prejudices —
and see birdwatching accountants as
more rounded people. “The world needs
boring people. It needs people in profes-
sions that are stereotypically boring,” he
said. “If people dislike them without
even having been in contact with them,
that’s a pity. If there’s an accountant
who’s also a birdwatcher they may have
fascinating stories about how they came
to that combination of interests.”Shades of grey
Very boring
Phoebe lives in a town and works as
a tax consultant. She likes
birdwatching, studying maths and
smoking. She also talks too much.
A little bit boring
Richard lives in a small city and is a
salesman in a post office. He likes
model railways and a strict routine.
Not boring
Helen is a science professor living in
a big city. She cooks, plays games
and watches sport.patrick kiddTMS
[email protected] | @timesdiaryNothing new
for mansion
The Belgravia mansion owned by
an oligarch that was invaded by
squatters yesterday has a history
of attracting disruptive visitors as
a result of war. No 5 Belgrave
Square was once owned by Chips
Channon, the socialite and Tory
MP, who decorated it in a modest
style recently described as
“pitched between Liberace and
Donald Trump”. During the Blitz,
Channon gave sanctuary to RA
Butler, the Foreign Office minister,
hoping to use it to schmooze one
of his party’s rising stars. It soon
palled when Butler stayed for two
years. Not only did Rab keep
Channon awake with his snoring,
but he had expensive tastes. “He
offers me £14 per month [about
£750 today] towards expenses,”
Channon grumbled in his diaries.
“He costs me at least £30 to keep.”
A bomb fell on the house during a
dinner party. As a sign of the
circles in which they moved, the
first air raid warden to reach them
was an Austrian archduke.The mayor of Greater Manchester
and the government’s former chief
Brexit negotiator had a dispute on
Twitter at the weekend about energy
policy. In a victory for nominative
determinism, the opposing scenarios
for heating homes were given by
politicians called Burnham and Frost.
If only there were a Lib Dem called
Tepid to take the middle ground.getting up putin’s nose
Things are getting serious in the
sanctions war. The National
Mustard Museum in Wisconsin
has removed Russian gorchitsa,
a paste said to be extremely
pungent, from its display of
6,000 varieties. “They will
return once the invasion of
Ukraine is over,” a sign
says. That will get up
Putin’s nose like a spoonful
of gorchitsa. Russians takecondiments very seriously. It’s
because of their Tartar source.Jamie Njoku-Goodwin, Matt
Hancock’s former special adviser
who now heads the UK Music
lobbying body, wants Rishi Sunak to
cancel a promised VAT rise on
tickets for live events. “It would
leave music fans facing a cost of
gigging crisis,” he says. Fortunately
for him (and me) the chancellor
hasn’t introduced a tax on puns.castration for beginners
A news story on Saturday about
Benedict Cumberbatch being
taught to castrate bulls on the set
of his latest film led Peter Sergeant
to email me about the farmer who
taught his son how to do it with
two bricks. “Won’t it hurt, pa?” the
concerned lad asked. “Only if you
get your finger between the
bricks,” his dad replied.kittens’ brush with emin
Two years after losing her beloved
cat, Docket, a muse for 18 years,
Tracey Emin has found new love
with a pair of kittens that enjoy
running up and sliding down her
canvases as she paints. “It’s so
funny,” she told Ed Vaizey, the
former arts minister, on his Break
Out Culture podcast. “As soon as I
get the brushes out they’re at it.”
Vaizey sympathised, since he is
potty about his dog. “I come home
and it’s ‘lick heaven,’” he said. “We
communicate with snuffles.” How
sweet, if possibly unhygienic.
As minister, Vaizey convinced
Emin to break a lifetime’s habit
and vote Tory. No more. “How the
government’s treating the arts has
never been worse,” she said. Emin,
below, has asked Boris Johnson to
remove from Downing Street
her neon installation that says
“More Passion”, which she gave
to David Cameron. Explaining
that neon creates a party
atmosphere, Emin said:
“I don’t think No 10
needs any more help
with that stuff.”