I like to frame my corny teacher jokes as questions, but they can be slightly ridiculous
statements or implausible instructions as well. Try to include one in every lesson plan (that
was a corny teacher joke).
Stu Stein, a high school teacher and a member of the Hofstra New Teachers Network, is a
former stand-up comedian. When he finds that a class is drifting or if things are getting dull,
he likes to toss out a quick one-liner. In his case, however, he is convinced that his jokes are
not corny.
Stu argues that the most important thing for connecting with students, or any audience, is
being “real.” He uses mock laughter at his own “bad” jokes and pretends to look around in
surprise when the class laughs at something he says. According to Stu, “If students know
you are apt to make irreverent comments, they are far more likely to pay attention. They do
not want to miss the next joke. The trick is finding the balance between irreverence and edu-
cation.” He also thinks I need a new comedy writer.
Some Warnings
- If you use the same corny teacher joke too often, it becomes a class mantra. When you
say the opening, they respond with the punch line, and soon it will get on everyone’s
nerves—so try to be judicious. - Your goal is not to make anyone feel bad. Apologize if you overstep the “line.” I have had
students answer my jokes with their own wisecracks. My response is, “I guess I deserved
that.” - Avoid sexual innuendo. No matter how funny, it is not appropriate in school.
Some of Alan’s Worst
“Do you have to take a make-up test to become a beautician?”
“If you get detention, should you take de-aspirin?”
“Is it a coincidence that dogs and teachers both are licensed?”
“Why did the rabbit fail math? It could multiply but not divide.”
“Oh, no! The computer ate your dog.”
“There is no such thing as a stupid question; (pause) this is just the wrong time.”
“Don’t think of it as homework, think of it as quality time with your computer.”
“What do you get if you cross a teacher with...... an anteater? Someone who can’t keep their nose out of your business.”
... a lawyer? A teacher with a suit.”
... an elephant? A teacher you can never forget.”
... a donkey? My seventh-grade math teacher.”
... a pit bull? A riot as students run for their lives.”
Middle School Students Love Bathroom Humor
Alan: “Don’t cut! I had a student who cut my class to go to lunch everyday. The only thing
he passed was gas.”
Eighth-grade student: “That joke stinks.”
Alan: “So did the gas.”160 CHAPTER 6