(^46) | marieclaire.com.au
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“I wil never
give up y ,
myself, or us”
Dearest Mae,
Of all of the mamas in the world, thank
you for choosing me to be yours, dear
girl. There’s something lovely about
thinking that you spied me and thought
we’d make a good team. So that on all
those days when we are winning and,
yes, even on the horrid ones, we can
look at each other with love and know
that we are exactly where we are
meant to be. To be very clear, I would
pick you right back a million times over.
Because a life without you now seems
unimaginable and goodness knows who
I’d be today if you hadn’t come along to
change me and my life. You have taught
me patience, Mae, [and] to realise I
can be brave enough to have a go at
anything. You are teaching me to accept
myself and value myself, especially
when it comes to my body. You have
also taught me to stand up for myself
and for girls, to love unconditionally
and to expect the same. To rejoice in
the simple things. You are my greatest
gift, achievement and inspiration and
I will feel this way even when you’re
a teen slamming doors in the hallway,
just as I did. How awesome is that?
To realise we’ve only just begun. This
is only the beginning, dear girl.
To my three beautiful boys, I’m so sorry.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I hate
being paralysed. I hate not being able to
stand, walk or to run down to the beach
and surf together like we used to. I hate
the loss of feeling below my chest, as
if two-thirds of my body were already
dead. But what I hate most of all is
I’m not who I once was, I’m not who
I want to be, and I’m definitely not
the mother you deserve. We were
all so happy before – I never could
have imagined that life could be so
perfect. Each of you was so special
and unique, and through your eyes
I saw a different world altogether, a
place more precious than anything
I can describe. The love you brought
out of me felt like an enormous star
growing inside my heart. But then I fell,
and I couldn’t get up. And because of
my accident, instead of being a bright
guiding light in your lives, I feel terribly
guilty that for six years I have cast a
dark cloud over us. My instinct as your
mother is to care for you, no matter
what, and it breaks my heart that you
are forced to care for me. My love for
you, and my hopes for your future
transcend any personal battle that I am
facing. I want you to grow into strong,
capable, loving young men – I want
you to be happy and brave and be true
to who you are. You have made so many
sacrifices for me, but now I want you
to live boldly for me; I never want my
wheelchair to be an anchor that holds
you back from your best life. Your love
has sustained me through the worst
moments of my life – you literally kept
me alive. I love you too much to ever
leave you behind. I am so grateful I
didn’t die, because I get to watch my
three beautiful boys grow up. You are
the best of everything this world has to
offer, you are all my dreams come true.
SAM BLOOM,
ATHLETE AND SURVIVOR
MUM TO RUEBEN (PICTURED), NOAH AND OLI
KATE RITCHIE,
RADIO PRESENTER
WITH MAE
All extracts are from
Grace Mothers: Letters
to Our Children ($65,
Bauer Books) by Georgie
Abay, Julie Adams and
Claire Brayford.
marty
(Marty)
#1