“Sweetheart,” Neil’s wife says. “Come on, take a little risk. Come
outside and talk to me while I rake.”
“But what if there are you-know-whats out in the leaves?”
“You can stand on the porch and talk to me from there.”
Neil squirms a bit. “It’s just that I could be doing some-
thing productive, like cleaning the oven.”
“Honey, coming outside is productive. The most important
thing all of us have to do now is to help you get your life back
from the spiders.”
“I could wax the kitchen floor.”
Neil’s wife hands him his jacket. “Come on out. I need you
to do this.”Tempting as the offers may be, they are not worth as much as keeping
phobics focused on the main issue. Sometimes guilt is good motivation.
I’m not suggesting that you try to cause it on purpose, but if a little should
come your way, why not use it?
INVITE THE FEARFUL RIGHT UP TO THE CLOSEST POINT THEY CAN
MANAGE. Every step forward a phobic takes is, well, a step forward.
“Look ... ” Neil’s wife swings her rake over an expanse of
grass. “I’ve made a big clear spot right here on both sides of the
walk. As you-know-what-free as I can get it. Why don’t you come
on down and talk to me.”
“I can’t.”The main goal of therapy is to help phobics move beyond this point.
Neil has relaxation techniques and medication at his disposal. His wife
may need to remind him to use them.
“Maybe if you did the relaxation thing the doctor showed
you, or even took one of your pills?”
The two of them sit on the porch and go through his relax-
ation exercise. When they finish, Neil’s wife goes back to the
yard. She points at the walkway. “You’ve got a clear escape routeThe Psychology of Fear ❧ 109