conception of what it is they’re accepting. That takes words, lots of them,
enough to build a bridge between the experience of fear and knowledge
about it. To help, keep the conversation going. Ask questions, give encour-
agement, and repeat the explanations in this book as often as necessary.
Eventually the pieces will begin to fit and the words can become deeds.
Unless fear disorders take on form and substance, there’s no way to tell
if they’re getting better. Explosions into fear occur with certain frequency,
duration,and intensity. The way they get better is by happening less often,
taking less time to abate, or being less severe. Unless fearful people perceive
their fear along these dimensions, rather than as simply off or on, they can
improve considerably and not even notice. Unless you point it out.
Janes’s husband comes home to find her sobbing on the couch.
“Honey, what’s wrong?” he asks.
“I thought I was getting better, but I’m not. I had an attack
at the mall today. They’re never going away, are they?”
Her husband sits down next to her. “Honey, you are getting
better. The attacks aren’t going to just go away, you know that.
But this is the first one you’ve had in almost a week, isn’t it?”
Jane sniffs. “I was feeling so good. Then I started having
the breathing thing, and I knew it was all coming back.”
“So, how big was the attack on the Richter scale?”
“Maybe a 7.”
“How long did it last?”
“It always feels like forever.”
“I know it does, but how long do you think the attack
went on?”
“Not long. My friend was with me, and we did a couple of
laps around the parking lot, then I went back in.”
“Honey, what you’re telling me is you had your first attack
in almost a week and you managed it beautifully.”
Another tear runs down Jane’s cheek. “I just wish they
would go away.”Both Jane’s husband and her friend have done her a lot of good, even
if she doesn’t acknowledge it. If there is a person with panic disorder in
your life, I can guarantee that you will have many similar unsung and
The Psychology of Fear ❧ 115