it’s easy to trade fear for anger and stop right there. This is why I’m wary
of support groups, especially on the Internet, and therapists whose major
qualification is that the same thing happened to them. Misery loves
company, and judging from daytime TV, it adorespublicity.
If a person close to you gets stuck in blaming. Here are a few ideas to
help get things moving again. You’ll find many more in the section on anger.
STAY OFF THE BANDWAGON. Joining the fight will not help. Righteous
indignation is more like a disease than a cure.
DON’T BLAME THE BLAMERS. No matter how richly deserved, never
make disparaging comments about the not-too-hidden agendas of friends,
counselors, support groups, and other people who are “only trying to help.”
Don’t put yourself in their league. You’re only an amateur, and they’re
pros. Instead, try to find a reputable pro of your own, and suggest that your
friend get a second opinion.
POINT OUT THAT GETTING BACK AND GETTING BETTER ARE TWO SEP-
ARATE GOALS. The recovering fearful can go toward either, but not both
at the same time. Once you’ve made this distinction, it’s helpful to ask
people which goal they’re pursuing if they seem to be getting confused.
Whatever you do, never encourage emotionally explosive people to
go on talk shows!
Step 3: Internal Control
This is the point at which the words turn into deeds. Once people under-
stand what fear is, the next step is showingthem that through their actions
they can exert some control over it. This is usually done by teaching
specific techniques.
Relaxation and Exercise
Relaxation training and regular exercise work wonders on two distinct lev-
els. They decrease generalized arousal, thereby raising the threshold for
explosions. Using only relaxation and exercise, people can counteract
perhaps half of the physiological energy that ignites explosions into fear.
The Psychology of Fear ❧ 117