A customer storms in and slams his statement down on the counter. “I want
to talk to the idiot who put this late charge on my bill!”
What do you feelwhen someone explodes into emotion? What happens
inside you when another person bursts into tears, flies into a rage, or col-
lapses into a writhing heap of formless anxiety? Do you feel frightened
and want to run away? Do you feel concerned and want to help? Or do
you feel irritated and wish the whole situation would just go away and leave
you alone? If you’re like most people, you feel all of the above. And more.
The world is full of walking time bombs who explode into sadness,
anger, and fear. Fragile as they seem, they can still drag you into the mid-
dle of their outbursts, whether you want to be there or not. Getting
enmeshedis the psychological term. You try things that would help a rea-
sonable person calm down, only to discover that reasoning just adds fuel
to the explosion.
This is the blast zone. You’ve been there before, and you will be
again.
Next time someone’s emotions blow up in your face, it can be dif-
ferent. This book will teach you how to stay calm, to think clearly amidst
the sound and fury, and to understand the psychology of emotional
explosions well enough to exert a little productive influence.
For almost 30 years as a clinician working with intense emotions,
I’ve helped people gain control over explosive fear, anger, and sadness
in themselves and others. The techniques I use are not particularly dif-
ficult—when you stop yourself from reacting and try to understand
what’s going on. That first step is the hardest. Once you’ve mastered it,
the rest is easy.
What Are Emotional Explosions?
The term emotional explosionas used here covers a wide array of events
that occur at all levels of intensity and for hundreds of different reasons.
They can be dangerous, frightening, painful, or merely annoying. But
despite the diversity of causes and effects, emotional explosions have sev-
eral elements in common.
4 ❧Emotional Explosions