Today, Catherine is freaking out over bug poop. Yesterday, it was pes-
ticides on fruit. The day before it was lead in drinking water. All of them
are low level threats compared to the stress of someone you love torturing
herself in front of your eyes, and you not knowing what to do about it.
The secret for handling explosions into worry is to remember that
it’s the worry itself that is the problem, not what the person is worrying
about.Hold this in your mind and you’ll be less likely to get caught, as
Catherine’s friend did, trying to reassure. If you focus on content, the reas-
suring never ends. As soon as you talk an anxious person out of worrying
about one thing, another takes its place.
Here are some specific suggestions that might help:
AVOID CONTENT AT FIRST; FOCUS ON ANXIETY. The most supportive
thing you can do for a person like Catherine is point out that she’s work-
ing herself up, then help her to calm down.
“I can see you’re really upset, Catherine. Take a deep breath,
then let’s go for a walk and talk about it.”
“But I need to find out if there are dust mites in Adam’s
room.”
“Forget the dust mites, The best way to take care of Adam
is to take care of yourself. Get your coat.”Don’t worry about being insensitive, you’re doing a kindness. As
we’ve seen before, people in the midst of an emotional explosion have
energy to burn. Help them do it in a constructive way. You’ll be surprised
how much more clearly you both can think when you’re moving. You can
accomplish more on the move. If they’re very upset, feel free to use other
basic calming techniques as well.
In dealing with a panic attack, it’s important to demonstrate under-
standing that the person’s fear is real. This is less necessary in generalized
anxiety. You can safely brush aside the content of worry if your actions
show concern. Simply ignoring the person will not work. Worrying is an
internal process, and it doesn’t require your participation to continue.
Needless to say, you should try to keep from getting worked up your-
self. The last thing either of you need is to drop everything to dash around
trying to make the world safe from bug poop.
Generalized Anxiety Disorder ❧ 133