Put the situation into perspective. We have seen that one aspect of
the fight or flight response is shutting out everything but the present peril.
Anxious people lose their sense of proportion. You can help them regain
it by asking questions that get them back in touch with the relative nature
of experience. The questions are similar to what you’d ask people with
other fear disorders. Scales of 1 to 10 are always useful.
After a few minutes of brisk walking, Catherine’s friend asks,
“On a 1 to 10 scale, how important is this dust mite thing?”
“Eleven,” Catherine says.
Her friend laughs, “How can it be an 11?”
Catherine draws herself up tall. “My son’s safety is the
most important thing in the world to me.”The first answer is usually 11. Each new danger becomes preeminent
as soon as anxious people think of it. Most often they do this by connecting
it, as Catherine did, to a real top priority. To worriers, anythingcan hurt their
children, destroy their marriage, or cause them to lose their jobs. Ask them
to rank order, then point out that they’ve left out one more very real risk.
“Which do you think is a bigger threat to Adam’s health, dust
mite, or the pesticides you were upset about the other day?”
“They’re both dangerous.”
“Are either of them more dangerous than having a mom
who’s always upset and worried that something’s going to kill him?”This technique is a little like jujitsu, using anxious people’s own
psychological momentum to get them going in the direction you want.
It’s also a little like a guilt trip, which, when applied judiciously, can be
quite therapeutic.
Another strategy is suggesting that they do something about their top
priority rather than worry about it. In fact, worry is sometimes used as a
substitute for more productive actions that require more effort, or are scary.
“If you think Adam has asthma, forget the dust mites.” Cather-
ine’s friend says. “Take him to the doctor!”
“I don’t want to bother the doctor with this,” Catherine says.
“You just want to bother yourself, huh?134 ❧Explosions into Fear