Chapter 8
PART THREE: EXPLOSIONS INTO SADNESS
Facing Depression, the Great, Gray Beast
Rachel cries herself into deep, dreamless sleep that lasts 12 hours most
nights. She also naps on weekends. “Sleep is my escape,” she says. Her voice
sounds dull and gray as dishwater. “What’s the point of getting out of bed?
Some days, I don’t even get up to eat. Not that you could tell. There are
other times when I just can’t stop eating.”* * *Alonzo eats almost nothing, and hardly sleeps at all since his wife asked
him to leave. A couple of stiff drinks knock him out, but after three hours
or so he’s up again, remembering. “I keep trying to figure, I mean, why
would she do it? I get up and try to read, but I can’t concentrate. I end up
just sitting there, staring at the boob tube.”
Alonzo shakes his head. “Guess I wasn’t man enough for her. Probably
not man enough for anybody.” He sighs, deflating like a poorly tied balloon.
“I don’t know if I can live without her.”145
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