Depressed people are notorious for not taking care of themselves.
They may eat and sleep, but not well. Their grooming suffers: Sometimes
they skip showers and wear the same clothes for several days. Here we find
the first of many examples of how depression blurs cause and effect. Think
of how you’d feel not having showered and wearing the same clothes for
three days. Pretty depressing, isn’t it?
The symptoms of depression often become the cause for more
depression. Depressed people typically want to wait until they feel better
to do the things that will make them feel better. As a consequence, they
get worse. It is in this aspect of the disorder that friends and family can
have the greatest positive effect. If there is a depressed person in your life,
you can help by coercing them into taking care of themselves, even
though they don’t feel like it. Encourage grooming, exercise, healthy
eating, doing things for fun, seeing the doctor, or whatever. They will
resist, but keep pushing. It’s the best thing you can do for them.
HELPLESSNESS AND HOPELESSNESS. Depressed people don’t believe
they can do anything to improve their situation. Whatever you suggest, they
can’t do it, or it won’t work. Often this turns into a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What you would usually think of as a remedy for this sort of thinking—
pointing out things they’ve done that have worked—doesn’t help much at
all. If you’ve tried it, you know it’s like banging your head against a wall.
You may make a dent, but the gain is hardly worth the pain.
Instead of turning away in frustration, look more closely at this
phenomenon. It is a window into the very heart of the disorder.
Depressed people are helpless as long as they let what they feel deter-
mine what they do. Depressed people are helpless because they’re hopeless,
and hopeless because they’re helpless. It’s one of the vicious circles that
are the very essence of depression.
The cure for depression is not feeling better, but learning to do what you
need to do, regardless of how you feel. We usually think of our feelings as
motivators that pull our actions along. If we think this way about depression,
everything comes to a halt and the situation is indeed hopeless.
ANOMIE. Depressed people feel helpless and hopeless, disconnected from
purpose, from other people, and from anything larger than the emptiness
150 ❧Explosions into Sadness