body, right then. She will definitely back down and begin to minimize,
but you shouldn’t. Handling Rachel’s threat this way may cost you the rest
of your night’s sleep, but it’s a good investment. If you back down, she’ll
likely call again another night.
You want Rachel to feel that the situation has gone too far, and that
people are taking her more seriously than she ever intended. This is actu-
ally far more validating than it is punishing. Even if she says that next time
she’ll think about killing herself and just not tell you, she probably won’t.
After Rachel hands over her pills, take her to the emergency room. They
usually have a mental health worker on duty. That person should make the
final ruling on her safety.
In Rachel’s case, I’d be less likely to call 911, and might even settle
for the sound of her flushing her pills down the toilet, followed by a
promise to see a mental health professional in the morning. My judgment
is based on years of experience. Unless you’re certain that she’s safe, don’t
take chances. Remember, if in doubt, overreact.
DO NOT LEAVE A SUICIDAL PERSON ALONE UNTIL A QUALIFIED PERSON
TELLS YOU IT’S SAFE TO DO SO. Think of it this way: When people
threaten suicide, they lose their right to privacy until they are actively deal-
ing with the issues that brought them to the point of considering death.
Inconvenient as it may be to both of you, you shouldn’t leave them alone.
This is a safety consideration, of course, but it’s also therapy. Your inconve-
nience provides a strong incentive for them to get into treatment. Hound
them unmercifully until they do.
My rather draconian approach to suicide threats is designed both to
scare people and make them feel safer. Rigid though my advice may seem,
it’s based on years of experience with suicidal people and what I consider
to be a sympathetic understanding of their suffering, and a sincere desire
to alleviate it.
Suicidal thinking is not an involuntary handicap. People are not beset
by it, they doit. Their best bet, and yours, is making them take responsi-
bility for what they’re doing—not by scolding or punishing them, but by
exposing them to the natural consequences of their actions. Tell the pro-
fessionals who regularly deal with suicide threats about them. The worst
thing you can do is keep suicidal thinking a secret between the two of you
because you think that calling the police or the guys in white coats will be
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