wrong with them. This is quite different from fear and depression. Unlike
other disorders, anger control problems are defined less by what the people
who have them are experiencing, and more by the effect their experience
has on us.
Look back at the examples. Though the words and actions I’ve
described are disparate, the one thing all these people have in common is
the negative emotional response their behaviors elicit. Angry people make
us angry at them. Anger, unlike other mental disorders, is highly contagious,
and one of its most salient symptoms is not realizing that you have it.
If you think the people in the examples make you afraid rather than
angry, you know what I mean about not realizing, or are about to find out.
We’ve already seen that the differences between anger and fear are more
semantic than psychological. Choosing one state over the other means
that to you, the distinction between anger and fear is clearer than it actually
is in reality. This is a polite way of saying you’re in denial.
You are not alone. The words we use to describe our own experience
are different, more varied, and often more positive than those we use to
describe that of other people. They may beangr y,but we are afraid. Or
hurt, upset,irritated, out of sorts, or perhaps premenstrual.We can almost
fool ourselves into believing that we’re talking about different emotional
states entirely. But why do we need to do this?
We need to do it because anger is inseparable from morality. Peo-
ple get angry because other people are not doing what they’re supposed
to do.
Brandon, who you probably guessed was driving the pickup truck,
believes that youinsulted himby making a big stink over his perfectly rea-
sonable request to be allowed into the line of traffic.
David believes that punctuality is one of the many ultimate measures
of love. If you’re late, he feels abandoned.
Jenna is adamant that anything short of a perfect product—meaning
that something is done exactly the way she would—constitutes lack of
proper respect to the firm and to her. She takes every deviation personally.
Zack would say that toasters should work correctly or suffer the
consequences. Brittany would say that nobody has the right to tell her
what to do.
Of course they’re wrong. But before you try and convince them,
wait. You’re about to step into their world, where everything is clearer and
206 ❧Explosions into Anger