The Instinct for Anger ❧ 227from western and southern states, seem to need more than almost any-
body else. Another factor: People are most likely to feel cornered when
their ability to move forward is impeded, as in a traffic jam or on a
crowded sidewalk. And then in close, face-to-face situations, the chance
of instinctive response is dramatically increased.
Unless you’re looking for trouble, don’t do anything that can be
interpreted as an attack. This usually means keeping your mouth shut.
Unfortunately, our own instinctive programming can sometimes convince
us that ill-conceived aggressive responses make sense.
In an office, Brandon, wearing his old Stetson, is yelling at the
receptionist about late charges. A middle-age male manager
rushes to the rescue. He looms up behind Brandon and loudly
asks, “What’s your problem, sir?”
Brandon turns to face him.
The manager takes a step forward, pointing a finger. “I
don’t care what your problem is. You are never to talk to one of
my employees in that tone of voice!”You can guess what happens next.
When you read about them, these testosterone-soaked behaviors
seem foolish. Brandon and the manager realized that afterward, but in the
heat of the moment, they both experienced a burning certainty that their
actions were justified and absolutely correct. That’s how instincts always
feel. The trick is how to recognize them. Instinct is the main reason that
anger is such a problem for so many people. The wrong responses are the
ones that seem most right.
Obviously, violence in response to words is never justified, but it hap-
pens every day. Let the manager’s behavior stand as a perfect example of
what notto do in an angry situation.
In the animal world, everything that he did would signal an attack.
He moved into Brandon’s space, speaking loudly, giving orders, and making
aggressive gestures. The manager was claiming the role of the alpha, or
physically dominan tanimal, by vir tue of his rank as head male in the
office. With vision clouded by his own anger, he saw an attack to his ter-
ritory and felt it was his duty to drive off the attacker and protect his brood.
His sharp, loud actions signaled that this was to be a physical rather than
an intellectual battle. Perhaps the manager’s behavior would have been