appropriate if he were a police officer in a uniform that sanctions physical
dominance, though real cops seldom invite attack. As it was, Brandon, a
strapping young cowboy, saw only an out-of-shape middle-age guy cornering
him and challenging him to a fight. His response is a no-brainer.
Brandon looks the manager up and down, then lets out a roar
of laughter. Still laughing, he takes a step forward.
The manager takes a step back. “Jennifer, call 911,” he says.
His booming voice has become a high-pitched squeak.
“Better call ’em, Jenny,” Brandon says. “Your boss is having
a heart attack.”Brandon is obnoxious, not stupid. His humor cut deeply enough to
preclude a physical attack that would lead to an assault charge. Still, he’s
following his instincts. In the animal world, such confrontations are usually
decided by ritualistic displays of aggression until one contender backs
down. Animals are not stupid either. Actual fights inflict damage on both
parties, unless one has a gun. If you step into this sort of aggressive dance,
until you step out in defeat you’re betting your safety on the belief that the
other guy is bluffing. Your instincts, meanwhile, keep telling you to raise
the ante. To protect yourself, you have to recognize which parts of your
brain are talking inside your head, and listen to the smart one.
To help you determine this, let’s look at some other confrontational
situations as an ethologist might see them:
Dominance
Among animals, and in the animal part of your brain, everything is
arranged according to dominance hierarchies. Anyone above you can
aggress against you, but you aren’t allowed to fight back. If this sounds like
your office, the similarity is not coincidental.
People at the top of the hierarchy seldom recognize the rule about
aggression flowing downward, and would never admit to it. Bosses don’t
see themselves as bossy. If you should happen to break the rule about the
direction of aggression, however, your betters will punish you with what
feels like undeserved vehemence. Ask Brittany.
If you aggress against someone above you, it’s a signal that you’re
disputing the person’s place in the hierarchy. They have to fight you or
228 ❧Explosions into Anger