The psychologist also points out how “selfish” actions seem
to be all that ever move Brandon forward, even if he kicks and
screams the whole way.
Brandon’s wife smiles. “I feel like I have three children,”
she says. “The two kids and Brandon.”
“That just means you’re doing it right,” the psychologist
replies. “So tell me, what do you want to happen?”
“I want him to stop being such an [expletive deleted]!”
“What would help most, staying or leaving?”
“I don’t know.”
The psychologist suggests that she calmly share her con-
fusion with Brandon, along with a list of specific actions that
would make him less of an [expletive deleted]. “You might tell
him to get anger control treatment,” she says.
“Been there, done that,” Brandon’s wife replies. “He had
a class, but he just laughed about that. And now he’s in a group
that tells him it will take years for him to get out all the anger
he’s been carrying.”
“I was thinking of something a little quicker,” the psychol-
ogist offers. “I have a colleague who works with anger control
dropouts.” She writes my name on a sticky note and hands it to
Brandon’s wife.The hardest step in anger control treatment is getting someone to
go. Most people, like Brandon’s wife, have very mixed feelings about the
whole process. Her psychologist did a good job of helping her sort them
out, without adding any more moral judgments to the mix. The word
abusewas never spoken. The best therapists avoid the word because of its
strong moral overtones, and focus on how their clients feel, how the angry
people in their lives behave, and what they can do about it.
Here’s one piece of advice on which every therapist would agree: If
an angry situation gets physical, leave the premises and call the police.
Unfortunately, the people who most need this advice seldom take it. If
you’re involved with an angry person who hits, shoves, or shakes you,
please don’t try to solve the problem by reading a book. Talk to a profes-
sional as soon as possible! The next chapter will give you some ideas about
how and where to find one.
244 ❧Explosions into Anger