Step 1: Realizing That Anger Is TheirProblem
This step is the sine qua non of anger control treatment. If you can’t
impart this critical insight, there’s no point in wasting time and money on any-
thing else. Imminent contingencies may get people in the door, but after that,
the next step must be convincing them it’s in their self-interest to be there.
I usually begin my first session by asking clients why they came in.
“My wife’s shrink thinks I have an anger control problem,”
Brandon says.* * *Jenna takes a deep breath. “The managing partner says I need
some work on, uh, handling job stress.”* * *David sits tall in his chair, an innocent man in the prisoner’s dock.
“I’m willing to do everything possible to improve my marriage.”* * *Zack smiles sheepishly. “I smashed a toaster.”* * *“I don’t know,” Brittany says. “You’re the doctor; you tell me.”I don’t bother asking what they think of the charges against them. I
already know. They’re innocent.
Instead, I try and find out what drives them, what they want out of
their marriages, their jobs, and their lives. People explode into anger
because they believe it will get them something they value. They want
love, respect, and sometimes adulation. For reasons they don’t understand,
they usually get fear and exasperation. The trick is to get them to realize
that it’s their anger that’s getting them the opposite of what they want.
I ask them what they want, and go from there.
The Psychology of Anger ❧ 245