that you know some of the subtleties of defusing explosions, you can use
that knowledge to avert a few battles.
The Mine FieldExplosion
The most common explosion into anger is not a single blast, but a series
of outbursts at irregular intervals that keep you away from territory the
angry person has claimed. Think of it as a mine field. The idea is that after
a few explosions, you’ll stay far afield. This technique is often used by men
to get out of doing housework. In the last chapter, I described a struggle
for marital dominance that centered around garbage. The incident was
just one of many small explosions that Zack’s wife would set off in Zack
when she came too close to asking him to help with household chores.
Zack’s wife looks at the clock and leaps up from the table. “I’ve got
to change right now or I’m going to be late. This is bunko night.”
Zack’s face signals a storm warning. “Well, who’s going to
do these dishes and give the kids their baths?”
“I thought you—”
“You thought! Did you ever think of asking if I had plans
for tonight? You said you wanted me to change the spark plugs
on your car.”
“You can do that tomorrow night. You know the first Wednes-
day of the month is bunko. I have it marked on the calendar.”
“Like I can even see the calendar with all the stuff you
have written all over it.”
“All that stuff is there so we’ll know where we have to go and
what we have to do,” Zack’s wife says, inching toward the bedroom.
Zack gets up and starts moving dishes from the table like
a bulldozer clearing a construction site. Amid the clatter, he
mutters loudly enough to be heard in the bedroom. “There’s no
way to win here. You work 10 hours a day, and then come home
and work some more so her highness can go out drinking and
gambling with her friends.
Finally, his persistent pushing of her hot button about her
job not being as valuable as his gets to Zack’s wife. She rushes
from the bedroom, still buttoning her blouse. “You don’t think I
work? I have a job just like you.”250 ❧Explosions into Anger