The person who asks is in control. Why do you think therapists are
so fond of answering questions with questions? I can assure you that it isn’t
because we don’t have all the answers.
It’s another day:
“Honey, what do you think is a reasonable amount of housework
for you to do?”
Zack exhales loudly enough to be heard across the cul-de-
sac. “I already do a lot around here. I take care of the yard. I fix
things. I take out the garbage.”
“Yes, you do. But what percentage of the total amount of
weekly work do you think that is?”
Zack exhales again.“I don’t know. Why don’t you just tell
me?”
“Come on, I asked first. I really want to know what you
think.”
Zack thinks for a few seconds. “About a quarter, I guess.
Why are you asking?”
“How much work in terms of hours per week do you think
it takes to run this house?”
“What is all this housework crap? What are you trying to do?”
Zack’s wife smiles and turns on the overhead projector.
“This chart shows a list of household tasks and the average
amount of time they take. Please look at them and tell me if you
agree that these tasks need to be done, and that the time estimates
are reasonable.”DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Okay, so you don’t have an overhead projector
in your living room. Use paper. The point is that taking mined territory
back from an angry person requires as much poise and preparation as a
presentation to the board of directors. You can’t just speak off the cuff.
Everything you say and do must be directed toward achieving your goal.
Here’s a final question to see how well you understand what that
goal is and how you can best move toward it. To answer correctly you
need to take into account everything you’ve learned about anger up to
this point.
The Psychology of Anger ❧ 255