How to Deal with Emotionally Explosive People

Should the time estimates on Zack’s wife’s slides be:

a. overstated

b. accurate

c. understated

d. all of the above

This is the one of the few questions in the book to which the answer
isn’t all of the above. The answer is not d. As for a, if the figures are over-
stated, even slightly, it will lead to an argument about how the list is ridicu-
lously padded. You might be surprised at how many people do overestimate.
It’s because they forget that the purpose of such a list is to get someone else
to do more housework, so they succumb to the temptation of using the fig-
ures to demonstrate how hard they work.
If you said b, that the figures should be accurate, I agree in principle,
but still don’t think you chose the best answer. Without independent time
and motion studies, you can’t know what accurate is.
Remember how closely anger—both his and yours—is tied to beliefs
about right and wrong. With angry people, you’re always in the most danger
when you think you’re most right. Your estimate could be biased, and even
if it weren’t, it could seem biased. In order to look correct, the estimates
should appear conspicuously low, at least to you. So the answer is c.
The estimate should be understated, if only to forestall arguments
about padding, but there are reasons beyond that. If Zack thinks the time
estimate for a task is overstated, his wife can agree to a test. Zack can do the
job and time it to make sure the measurement is fair. Regardless of the out-
come, she will win something. The most important prize is drawing him into
the whole process of estimating task times with a view toward reassignment.
Another reason for understated estimates is that when Zack finally
gets to the point of picking one, he’ll end up doing more than he bargains
for. Or if he goes for a bargain, his wife can make cleaning the bathroom
a more attractive option by slightly overstatingthe time involved. If this
is what you were thinking when you answered a, you get full credit.
If you’re thinking that the process I’m describing is manipulative,
you’re absolutely correct. Everybody manipulates, but not everybody does
it consciously and well. Manipulation is merely offering a deal in a way
that makes the other person likely to accept it.

256 ❧Explosions into Anger