If you’re thinking that you shouldn’t have to go through a process
like this to get a little help around the house, I’d also agree. Unfortunately,
few people in this world do what they should. In dealing effectively with
angry people, your own shoulds are your greatest liability.
MAKE A CONTRACT. The reason for contracts is that people break them.
When Zack finally picked his jobs, his wife demanded that they put it in
writing. Of course, he asked why, and she just shook her head and smiled.
Writing isn’t always necessary, but a clear, firm agreement is.
Contracts should specify who, what, when, where, how often, and if
not, what happens. Zack and his wife each agreed to put up $50 a month
to pay at an agreed upon hourly rate for tasks not done within specified lim-
its. Nagging turned into saying things like, “If it isn’t done by noon, I get
$15 for doing it.”
Zack’s wife thinks that the $50 a month she loses is the most useful
money she’s ever spent.
The Anger from on High Explosion
Anger from above you in the dominance hierarchy is more like a trial than
a contract negotiation. Often, most of the angry person’s energy is directed
toward reading the indictment and convicting you of misdeeds, rather than
figuring out an appropriate penalty. To deal with an anger-from-on-high explo-
sion effectively, you have to do what any good lawyer would do: plea bargain.
Case 1: Anger from Your Actual Boss
Jenna sits behind her desk, scowling at your proposal and shak-
ing her head. “I don’t believe this!” she says. “Do you have any
idea how much we could lose if this bid went out as you’ve writ-
ten it?” Her eyes bore into you as she takes a deep breath,
preparing to answer her own question.Before you start cringing, look at a chewing out as if it were an actual
trial. Since you’re a competent worker, the evidence is flimsy, but it doesn’t
matter. In this court you’re guilty until proven innocent, but you won’t get
a chance to present evidence, and if you do, it will only be torn apart on
The Psychology of Anger ❧ 257