I’m waving my hands in the air again. “Brandon,” I say. “Anger is
a chain of events that starts over here and builds up until you have
an explosion over here. It’s a whole lot easier to control at this end.”With angry people, it’s important to integrate relaxation training with
awareness of the arousal cues we talked about in the last chapter. The ear-
lier in the sequence you catch it, the easier it is to control. I begin by hav-
ing angry clients listen to a relaxation tape, but once they’ve learned the
basic technique, I encourage them to develop procedures of their own that
they can use on the spot when situations begin to heat up.
“Oh, like counting to ten?” Brandon asks. And, without hesi-
tating, I reply, “Yes, but in your case, make it 276.”Relaxation is an important component of anger control treatment.
Encourage it, and participate with the angry people in your life. While
you’re at it, encourage them to exercise, and do it with them. Almost any
kind of regular exercise will help, except for martial arts and heavy weight
lifting. The anaerobic bursts of activity involved in pumping iron and
breaking cinder blocks seem to maker anger worse. Better they should go
for a nice walk in the park.
Step 3: Psychological Control
Anger is made of negative judgments played over and over inside the head,
louder and more vehemently each time: internal cassettes of incendiary,
head-banging thoughts turned up loud and set on continuous replay. If
the music is turned off, the party is over. Cognitive therapy turns off the
music, or at least pops in a quieter tape.
Unlike the depressed, angry people resemble one another, at least in
the music they play in their heads. Here are some of the top selections.
You’ll undoubtedly hear the angry people in your life humming along.
It’s not fair!Angry people are always lamenting about not being
treated justly. Of course, their idea of fairness is that they get
what they want when they want it. Anything else is in
violation of their contract with the universe.268 ❧Explosions into Anger