THINK FIRST. You face Brandon with your mind aswirl. Your primitive
brain is screaming to fight back or run away, while more rational centers
suggest you should merely explain to Brandon why he has no right to be
angry, unaware that this is just a civilized way of hitting him over the head.
At another level, you wonder if the problem is a computer glitch that
should be handled by a technical person. None of these responses will
help you. Instinctive attempts to fight or flee will confirm Brandon’s view
of the situation, and he will press harder.
The most important thing you can do when faced with anger is to
think before you speak. If you don’t know what to do, do nothing. Bran-
don won’t get any angrier if you ask for a minute to consider the possibil-
ities. Anger relies on immediate action to keep going. Slow the pace. Use
every opportunity to break his rhythm.
If you stop and think, it gives you an important edge. Angry people
may be mean and menacing, but they are rarely smart. There’s a physio-
logical reason for this: If you’re using the part of your brain that thinks, and
Brandon is only using his primitive programming, you have him by about
50 IQ points. If you can’t win with odds like this, you ought not to play.
Above all else, make sure, however, that you know what winning
means.
KNOW YOUR GOAL. Regardless of what your primitive brain centers tell
you to the contrary, your goal is to calm Brandon down. Until you accom-
plish that, there’s no point in discussing the late charge. People who are
ranting or yelling can’t listen to reason, so there’s no point in trying to rea-
son with them. Instead, get Brandon to lower the volume, not by accus-
ing him of yelling, but by asking softly for something unexpected that he’d
be hard-pressed to refuse.
Introduce yourself and offer to shake hands. You don’t want him to
see you as a nameless cipher. Ask him to sit down, or come back to your
office where it’s quieter—an audience will make it more difficult for him
to back down. If you’re uncomfortable being alone with him, invite a
coworker, but make sure that only one of you does the talking. If he feels
that you’re ganging up on him, he’ll have to fight more vigorously. Offer
him a glass of water; it will be hard for him to continue yelling at some-
one who’s treating him like a guest.
22 ❧Emotional Explosions