At the instinctive level, Brandon expects you to fight back or run
away. Anything you do that doesn’t conform to that expectation will force
him to use a higher brain center to evaluate it. The whole point is to trick
him into thinking.
The techniques for defusing angry people are easy to learn; we’ll dis-
cuss many. The only hard part is staying calm enough to use them. We’ll
discuss that too. For now, remember that in dealing with angry people like
Brandon, your goal should determine your actions, rather than the other
way around. You may be able to get Brandon to calm down, but do not
believe for an instant that you will ever get him, or any other angry per-
son, to admit that he is wrong.
AVOID PROVOCATION. The last thing you want is for Brandon to get
angrier. This means you’ll have to pay attention to your internal dialogue
as well as his. Keep reminding yourself that your goal is to mollify him
rather than to make his behavior conform to your standards. The fewer
lines you have to draw in the sand, the better.
Often it is a cost-effective solution to write off a reasonable charge
rather than having to spend the emotional energy to defend it. If you think
this means sacrificing principles, you may be confusing reflexive compet-
itiveness with character.
In business settings, angry people can often gain control by using
profanity. If you are compelled by your standards or by company policy to
interrupt if Brandon starts cursing, there is little chance of anybody get-
ting calmer. This is not to say that anyone should have to listen to objec-
tionable language, only that there is a price to be paid for not having to
do so.
If you have to make an issue of his language, let him know that
there’s something in it for him if he complies with your wishes. Say, “I’m
willing to help, but not if you use profanity. If you want me to listen, please
pay attention to how you talk to me.”
LISTEN. Emotional explosions are a form of communication. One way
or another, you will hear what Brandon has to say. He’s been rehearsing
all the way to your office, so you might as well get the performance out
of the way as soon as possible. Listen quietly, and resist the impulse to
The Blast Zone ❧ 23