thoughts, not other people’s actions, that make you angry. What could be
more logical than teaching people how they can use this knowledge to
control their anger? Unfortunately, most angry people don’t understand
themselves well enough to see anger as theirproblem. They think it’s the
natural reaction when idiots get in your face.
What people like Brandon need before they can learn to control
their anger is good old-fashioned insight. Not about where their problem
comes from, but about how it works, how their fantasies of strength cre-
ate a reality of weakness. When you’re angry, any idiot can control you.
This insight has to be pointed out in a way Brandon can understand before
he sees any value in controlling himself. Such communication requires
artistry, but art is what therapy has lost. This sad truth is what makes anger
control classes so easy to joke about. Therapy consists of two separate
phases:
Insight:clearly understanding the nature of the problem, how it
works, and possibly where it comes from
Working through:doing something about itBoth phases are necessary; neither is sufficient by itself. They are
merely different parts of the same elephant. The problem is that therapists
tend to pay more attention to one or the other. Artists focus on insight,
scientists on working through. In the world of psychotherapy, artistic sci-
entists who can help their clients clearly understand what’s wrong with
themandteach them what to do about it are about as scarce as, say, nor-
mal childhoods.
There are master therapists out there who can put together a syn-
thesis of art, science, and medicine. In a later chapter we’ll talk about
how to find one. There are also quite a few confused but well-meaning
counselors who understand only one part of the process and try to pump
it up big enough to make a whole elephant. Their clients may be com-
ing to see you.
The phone rings a little after one a.m. It’s Rachel, in tears again.
She says she needs to talk to you because you’re the only one
who understands her well enough to make her feel better. You
brace yourself for a long night.40 ❧Emotional Explosions