In Chapter 10 we’ll talk about how to handle suicide threats, but they
aren’t the point here. For now, I’ll tell you that the secret to dealing with
this situation is to ask sincere and direct questions, rather than reacting to
innuendo. Get it out on the table and let Rachel know that you want her
to do whatever it takes to protect herself.
The issue for now is not technique, but the struggle inside you. Imag-
ine the terror of believing, albeit erroneously, that you hold someone else’s
life in your hands. Even if you knew exactly what to do, you might be too
scared to do it. Instead you might spend the whole night reassuring Rachel
because it makes youfeel better. This is the awful struggle between feel-
ing better and doing better. This struggle is the psychological mechanism
behind addiction.
Addiction is one of the most basic of psychopathological processes.
We all do it to some degree. We all block out the warning lights that tell
us we’re doing something that will make us feel worse in the long run, and
instead we do things that make us feel better now. People use anything
and everything to cover the lights, but if they use certain kinds of tape,
they have to go to another universe for treatment.
Mental Disorder or Addiction?
The mental health and 12-step universes exist parallel to one another, often
as mirror images, separated by law in many states. Some basic parameters
differ as well. In one, you’re not supposed to treat people for what you
have, because you can’t be objective. In the other, having the same life
experience is as important as formal training.
Explosive people often self-medicate, controlling one disorder by
creating another that’s even worse. Substance abuse, if present, must be
dealt with first. The 12-step model is better than what most doctors order
for treating substance abuse. Analysts used to spend years with patients
trying to discover the repressed reasons for their drinking, thinking that
insight into the cause would make the addiction go away.
Having substance abuse rehabilitation counselors who have been
addicted themselves works well on a number of levels. First, they know
what addiction is like, and their clients know they know. Psychotherapists
42 ❧Emotional Explosions