This is a breakthrough. For the first time in his life he
understands why he is the way he is. In group, also for the first
time, he feels he is really part of something.
Brandon joins a group effort to lobby the state legislature
for stiffer sentences for abusive parents. He’s thinking about going
to community college to become a counselor for abused kids.The last thing Brandon needed was to be part of a group that encour-
aged him to go after abusive parents the way he used to chase inconsid-
erate motorists. To be fair, the group did talk about working on internal
issues related to abuse, but that part got lost in the shuffle of people mar-
shaling their hurts and angers and sending them on a crusade. What
Brandon thought would make him better actually ended up making him
worse.
How would you feel if you suddenly learned that the things you’d
been feeling guilty about all your life weren’t really your fault? This is the
kind of insight the psychoanalysts sought, thinking it was the source of heal-
ing. It may be; it depends on whether you use the information to change
your life. Remember, therapy consists of both insight and working through.
Guilt is painful, and changing your life is difficult. The moment of
epiphany is a blessed relief in the midst of an arduous process. Can you
blame anyone for wanting to stay in that moment forever? This is the lure
and danger of seeing yourself as handicapped. It’s not your faultcan eas-
ily be incorrectly taken to mean that it is someone else’s.
“Brandon,” his wife says. “I think it’s great that you’re working on
your abuse and all, and I’m trying to be supportive, but it just
seems like you’re never happy. You’re so grumpy most of the time.”
“Grumpy?” Brandon slams his self-help book down on the
table. “I can’t believe you said that! You know when you say
things like that, you give me flashbacks of my father. It’s post-
traumatic stress. Did you read about it in the book I gave you?”
Brandon’s wife casts down her eyes. “I haven’t really got-
ten to it yet.”
Brandon sighs. “You need to understand how it is for abuse
victims. We’re people pleasers who take care of everybody else’s46 ❧Emotional Explosions