with abstract processes like memoryand instinctive programs, like the fight
or flight response and dominance hierarchies,all of which we’ll discuss in
later chapters.
Now that we’ve defined a few terms, let’s go back to our discussion
about how to calm explosive people.
The basic maneuver for dealing with emotional outbursts is to tone
down activity of the sympathetic system by stimulating parasympathetic
activity. In other words, before you do anything else, you have to calm
people down. To do that, you have to know where they are mentally and
where you want them to go.
Take a few seconds to recall a time when you were frightened or anx-
ious. It’s likely that your recollections are intense but vague, a jumble of
words, pictures, and feelings without clear connection between events.
When the sympathetic system is going, your mind thrashes about from
one possible danger to another with no reason or rhyme, and, perhaps
more significantly, no rhythm. The music of your experience would sound
like the jagged, screeching theme from Psycho.
Now think back on a time you were calm. I’m not talking about your
trip to Hawaii, when you were so relaxed you could barely lift your mai
tai. I’m talking about normal, day-to-day calm. Think of engaging in a
hobby, be it a sport, reading, gardening, making something, or scrolling
through items on eBay. The music of this kind of experience is more
rhythmic. Perhaps you even hum to yourself while you’re doing it.
Think of calming as restoring rhythm to the music of experience,
and at a deep, intuitive level, you will understand how to do it. The tech-
niques I’ll teach you are merely variations and elaborations on the theme
that’s already playing in your parasympathetic nervous system.
Stuck in the Elevator
There really was a panicky woman stuck in an elevator. I know; I was there
too, trying to help her. I’ve calmed frightened people before, but in a pro-
fessional capacity, which gave me an advantage that you wouldn’t have.
This time, I was caught by surprise, just as you would have been. Here’s
what I did, complete with mistakes.
54 ❧Explosions into Fear