work pretty much the same way. All of these techniques take advantage
of the fact that the parasympathetic nervous system is wired as a feedback
loop in which senses, muscles, and brain are all connected. If you control
any part of the loop, you influence the whole thing.
If, instead of me, you happen to be the one stuck in the elevator with
the panicky person and all you do is repeat the phrase “You’re going to be
okay” to the rhythm of an imaginary deep, slow drum, she will eventually
calm down. Paramedics often use this simple but effective technique with
accident victims.
Restoring the rhythm of experience works better if you start loudly
and rapidly enough to catch frightened people’s attention. Go where they
are and bring them to where you want them to be. When consciously used
by hypnotists, this technique is called pacing. If you’re a parent, you’ve
probably done it a thousand times without knowing that it was a sophisticated
psychological technique.
Think about how you’d pat a fussy baby to sleep. You begin by patting
hard and fast enough to get the child’s attention, then gradually shifting
to softer and slower, tapping out a lullaby with your fingertips.
Just thinking of it can make you feel relaxed as well. Countless
mothers have been found dozing next to their children’s beds, having stim-
ulated two parasympathetic systems for the price of one.
Berry patch, Buddhist monastery, your baby’s bedroom, or in the
face of an emotional explosion, the nonverbal technique is the same.Give
panicky people something pleasant and repetitive to focus on. Start loudly
and rapidly enough to attract their attention, then soften and slow. Go
where they are, and gently lead them to where you want them to be.
“Okay, blow out all the air,” I say as I demonstrate, hissing like
an overheated radiator. She follows my lead.
“Good. You’re going to be okay. Now take another breath.”
She does.
“Good,” I say. “Okay, blow it out. Good! You’re going to
be okay.”
Another breath.
“Okay, good. Now blow it out. Good! You’re going to be
okay.”56 ❧Explosions into Fear