message you’re already sending. Every time her internal alarm bellows, give
her something more solid and reassuring to think about. Tell her about pos-
itive things that will happen; don’t add images of danger by saying what won’t
happen. Avoid comments like: “The elevator isn’t going to fall, and even if
it does, it probably won’t kill all of us, just break a few bones.” You get the idea.
To disconnect the alarm, slowly and steadily add new, more reassuring
information and keep repeating until you notice her becoming less tense.
Slower breathing and less fidgeting mean you’re having a positive effect.
The panicky woman and I take a few more deep breaths together.
I reassure her that she’s safe and the elevator is being fixed.
“You’re having a panic attack,” I say. “Your body is so full
of adrenaline that it’s hard to think straight, that’s why you need
to take the deep breaths to slow your mind down enough to start
feeling better.”
She nods slightly.
“Good,” I say. “Now take a deep breath and hold it while
I count to five.”CREATE A VERBAL REPRESENTATION OF WHAT’S HAPPENING. Ambigu-
ity is the most terrifying experience of all. Imagine what it’s like for the pan-
icky woman, her alarm system clanging away, adrenaline coursing through
her veins, and not knowing what will kill her first—the elevator falling or
her heart blowing itself out. The more agitated she becomes, the further
her perceptions of her situation diverge from objective reality. You need to
turn this process around by creating a new, more realistic view of what’s
going on inside her. Again, the theory is more complicated than the prac-
tice. Tell her she’s having a panic attack.
The words you choose are crucial. As we saw in the last chapter, what
you say may inadvertently communicate disbelief in the validity of her
experience. There is a world of difference between “You’re having a panic
attack” and “You’re justhaving a panic attack.” Nobody who’s ever had a
panic attack would put that justin there. Your words need to display
empathy with her terror even when you know there’s nothing real to fear.
Try to reframe her experience in a way that will allow her to step out-
side of it and view it objectively. Her own explanation—that she’s having a
claustrophobic attack—doesn’t accomplish this goal because it isn’t actually
62 ❧Explosions into Fear