How to Deal with Emotionally Explosive People

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  1. Exposure to the phobic stimulus almost invariably provokes an
    immediate anxiety response, which may take the form of a
    situationally bound or situationally predisposed panic attack.

  2. The person recognizes that the fear is excessive or
    unreasonable. The phobic situation(s) is avoided or else is
    endured with intense anxiety or distress.

  3. The avoidance, anxious anticipation, or distress in the feared
    situation(s) interferes significantly with the person’s normal
    routine, occupational (or academic) functioning, or social
    activities or relationships, or there is marked distress about
    having the phobia.


Phobia is essentially a panic attack in response to some identifiable
thing, usually something relatively harmless.


Spiders, even the eency-weency kind, cause Neil to go into cardiac
arrest. Well, that’s what it feels like anyway. His heart shudders,
he breaks out in a cold sweat, and he literally shakes with fear.
Just a cobweb hanging from the ceiling makes him so uncom-
fortable he has to leave the room. Neil isn’t doing it for attention.
He’s an engineer, not given to excesses of emotion. When he has
one of his outbursts around spiders, it’s hard to say which is
worse for him, the fear or the embarrassment.
Neil uses his logical mind to figure out all the places where
he might encounter spiders. Basements, unpaved outdoor
spaces, and rooms that are less than antiseptically clean. He
won’t go near any of them. There are very few places he will go.
Even though he hardly ever sees one, spiders have Neil
trapped in a web of terror.

Most phobias involve violent fear reactions to things that by some
stretch of the imagination can be dangerous, but usually aren’t. Spiders,
snakes, dogs, cats, blood, storms, heights, or bodily functions like choking
and vomiting are most common. Few people are phobic of flowers or
bunnies. Phobias usually develop in childhood, and almost never involve any
actual experience of harm by the feared object. Phobias may be the result
of some long outdated programs in the brain designed to encourage our


68 ❧Explosions into Fear

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